february 2026.

Slow but steady nature reveals the early signs of nature awakening. The sun is creeping in and daylight starts to quickly increase every day. Buds appear every where and as the first snowdrops are over the best of their blooming period they are soon followed up by purple, white and lilac striped crocuses and, yes, daffodils which pop up as soon as the sun warms the surrounding grounds.


As nature wakes up after a long, dark and sleepy period, I notice that daylight is stirring something inside. Feeling the cool air brushing against my cheeks and watery sun-rays warms the skin of my face. With warmth comes energy! The warmer the sun becomes the more I want to go out and seek for the best spot to soak up the sun.

Entering February I had turned my attention to my inner self. My energy was at a low point and wanting to paint did not come naturally. So instead I decided to take time to reflect on past times, noticing unsolved emotions and feelings that needed attention.

I took my time letting my thoughts pass by, seeing them, acknowledging them and not act on them but watch them flow by. I wanted to know what would happen if I took my time to feel the feelings, let emotions come up and notice the guiding thoughts without acting on them. I must say this helped me see beyond my initial reaction and actions and the outcome surprised me.

Instead of creating more stress and making myself think I have failed, that I needed to start all over and do a 100 times better while thinking I should have done all that (whatever 'that' me be) years ago and trying to catch up for all lost years, work harder and make up what is not there. I just sat, watch, cried a bit, talked about it and let it be.

It was not easy or fun. But it did bring me a lot of insight in why and how I have acted and reacted to certain feelings and emotions.

With creating time for what was happening and trusting myself and this new way of being something shifted inside.

I noticed that some sort of space opened up and although I felt lonesome at some points it became clear what I can do to create space, take space and with that set some new boundaries for myself. What's really important to me is a certain understanding and with that a connection with people that are in line with were I am in life and were I would like to go. I cherish the few people I have this connection with.

Now wondering how would all this 'work' look like if I would have given it color instead of thought. Being in that train of thought there was no energy left to paint, but as I trusted the way it would work out I do believe that when this needs to come out in color there we be lots of new work happening!

For that thought alone my heart sparks joy!

Did I mention I buoght myself some new paint along the way?
Well I did, acrylic gouache from Holbein and I love it. It is matt, rich in pigments and just a joy to work with. 
As all dark periods light up at some point, here is mine for this month, buying paint.

March will make it's entry and I will soon be on my way to the Dolomites!